This is the repost of a piece I wrote in 2020 on an older version of the blog. I want to create continuity between who I was then and who I am now, and I love all of my writings.
For the past two weeks I have been mildly demotivated to do anything to pursue my goals. I stopped studying Portuguese, stopped practicing Spanish (much), felt uninspired to write, uninspired by the prospect of my year of travel.
Last night I discovered a self-sabotaging voice in the back of my mind, the voice of fear. Bringing this voice to light allowed me to disagree emphatically and choose to believe something different about myself, to choose love.
Today I feel clear and inspired.
This morning I started with coffee and thinking about the reasons why I wanted to do all of those things. I realized that the reason I want to travel for several months in the fall and winter (depending on the situation with coronavirus) was to encounter the people and cultures in South America and practice, and hopefully gain more fluency in my languages, and to write about my experiences without the expectation of making money.
Once I verbalized the why of my desires I felt peaceful and free of placing undue pressure on myself to achieve or gain anything, or the pressure of should, feeling as though I should desire something other than what it is that I truly want.
And today I found myself responding with lightness and joy to my Brazilian friends in HelloTalk without pressure but with sheer happiness and excitement in the words, new words that I am allowed to love without the expectation of gain.
What do you love to do for joy and without pressure?
