I went to Ireland for 12 days this June. It was my first time in Europe and first time crossing the Atlantic. The trip was interesting and transformational in the same way that solo travel always is. I always work through layers of loneliness and wondering about my worth while traveling alone. In my daily life I find that I rely on people and familiar situations to provide me my sense of worth. Traveling strips this away. It gives you space to see areas that still need loving and healing.
This trip was conceived of in January while messaging a Brazilian friend. I originally thought I would travel to Brazil this summer and she had mentioned wanting to travel to Brazil with me and show me around. We could not make this work during June and so in a surge of conviction and peace I said that perhaps I would go to Ireland where she lives. There I would be able to practice my Portuguese (surprisingly a GREAT idea to practice Portuguese in Ireland as there are many, many Brazilians living there). I spent half of my time staying in hostels and the other half staying with my friend at her house. These two situations brought me some things to work on.
1. Worth is Inherent and Unchangeable.
Worth is inherent and unchangeable. It cannot vary depending on who is around, and how much I am pleasing them. It remains fixed. I worked on this lesson because staying in the hostel triggered me. I found myself wanting to be friendly and acceptable to everyone, and keeping conversations going in order to feel accepted and appreciated and not in the way.
I met a lot of cool people, but the tricky part was that most of the people in the hostel were long-term residents attending an institute to learn English. As such they already had their own friendships and internal society formed, and I felt a bit like an intruder there. I had to stop looking to find acceptance with the group and give myself all of the acceptance and validation that I had been looking for from them.
It was also a process of letting go of attachment. I love having conversations and connecting with people and forming lasting friendships. But sometimes the connection is meant to be a short-term, and it’s safe to connect and be grateful for the short conversation and connection that was, and then let it go. Some people in life are not there to be permanent. Either way it’s gratitude and detachment.
I also faced the fear (again) of being alone and accepting that I am whole and complete as I am, without having a man with me.
2. Accepting Hospitality
The biggest spiritual lesson at my friend’s house was accepting hospitality. My friend was so accommodating and kind. She cooked every meal and laid out the table beautifully. I felt awkward accepting her kindness at first. It is sometimes very difficult for me to accept anyone giving me anything because I feel that I don’t deserve it.
My friend and her boyfriend also drove me around the countryside to some sites and visited many places with me. I struggled to feel deserving of so much kindness! I am still struggling with it, to be honest. But I am very, very grateful and I hope that I was a good guest. Sometimes I feel that I do not understand social cues very easily so it’s difficult to not know exactly what to do.
3. Além de bom, o amor é mais (Outside of the good, love is more)
I am quoting lyrics from a song here. A song which resonated with me so much that I listened to it about 20 times on the train between Belfast and Dublin while also reading the lyrics. This resonates with me because it has to do with my purpose.
Sometimes I think that I want to manifest a typical life: a house, a car, a job, a husband who loves me and live a very private life. But this isn’t my purpose. I have wondered if it is my purpose to remain single and free to be able to love where I feel called (not necessarily in a relationship type of way). I still wonder about it. I know at least that my purpose is to love, and there is no higher purpose.
To love who I am directed to love, and by loving places and experiences for who and what they are.
4. Plant Medicine
I am feeling called to plant medicine. I kept feeling drawn to the plants of Ireland, feeling their energy and power. I felt this especially while touring Blarney Castle in the poison garden. I put my hand out to touch and embrace the flowers, feeling their vitality, power and fleshiness. I felt called by them to learn more. This sounds esoteric and I do not know how to explain, really.
I also found myself feeling the power of places, the sacredness of places. I felt a great sense of sacredness while walking the trail on the way up to Newgrange. The forest felt so sacred and alive and watching. I picked up a pinecone from there which was waiting for me in the middle of the sidewalk, a baby pinecone. I would have loved to have some time to meditate there.
I feel called to practice natural medicine. I would like to understand the ways of the natural world.
5. The Alchemist
I had a pretty cool synchronicity happen during my trip. I have been working on reading The Alchemist, or O Alquemista for a couple of months now. It’s a short book but I am reading it in its original Portuguese so I haven’t flown through it like I would have otherwise. It’s been an inspiration to me as it is echoing and reiterating my beliefs about the nature of the universe and that when we desire something the Universe conspires to bring it into being.
I feel inspired to follow my inclination to travel and explore and connect with the people of the world. I felt that the book was encouraging me to continue in service of my life purpose.
While staying at the hostel in Belfast I was sitting at the table reading O Alquimista and drinking coffee when my friend sat down next to me. She saw that I was reading something and asked if I’d ever read The Alchemist. I was astounded and said I’m reading it now! She had no idea that I had been reading it and in fact we had only met the previous day and never talked about books whatsoever.
But she said that she recently went to Portugal and that when asking people what their favorite book was, multiple people said The Alchemist. She read it and loved it.
When I got back to my friend’s house after the Belfast trip I noticed that she had a little figurine of the pyramids on a shelf. It was just like how in The Alchemist he is going to the pyramids to look for the treasure.
